In Walz, the Democrats Chose a Fighter to Thump Trump
The VP Nominee is Adept at Defending Democratic Policies
Walz is a happy warrior who can wield the shiv with a smile. MAGA still has no answer for when Walz trenchantly tagged the movement’s leaders with the “weird” label. It’s so effective because everyone knows it is true.
It was balls to the Walz in Philadelphia, with enthusiastic democrats introducing a surprise nominee for vice president. The battle lines are finally drawn with Kamala Harris the “Law Enforcer” taking on Donald Trump “The Felon”. Tim Walz is “The Farmer”, squaring off against JD Vance, “The Phony.” The Democrats have offered America a first-rate ticket and it’s now up to voters to choose between a party that represents the future or one that signifies fascism.
What Walz brings to the race is a fighting spirit that has often eluded democrats. Typically, democrats have more popular ideas than Republicans, but often look so meek and feckless, that people are tricked into voting against their own interests. This high-minded, but devastatingly ineffective campaign-stye is best reflected in Michelle Obama’s misguided speech at the 2016 Democratic National Convention when she said, "When they go low, we go high".
In the real world, such tepid tactics mean they go to Washington to rule, and we go home defeated, but find comfort in telling ourselves we achieved a moral victory. In this existential election, with democracy and human rights on the ballot, patting ourselves on the back and taking succor in losing with dignity, is insufficient.
Tim Walz seems to intuitively understand the maxim that the only way to beat a bully is to punch him in the nose. In his introductory speech, jaws dropped when the new VP nominee went there, “I can’t wait to debate the guy. That is, if he’s willing to get off the couch and show up,” Walz joked, invoking the meme that JD Vance copulates with couches.
In the past, Democrats would have recoiled and asked with excessive rectitude, “can you prove he humped the couch? If not, we must be fair to Vance and refrain from vulgarity.”
Fortunately, Walz is from the Chelsea Handler school of campaigning, with the comedian addressing the rumor this week by saying, “And before you tell me he didn’t really fuck a couch, spare me. I grew up in New Jersey in the ’80s where everyone had a couch in their basement, and I know a couch fucker when I see one.”
Today’s brutal politics are not a game of patty-cake and in this critically important election there is no time for chivalry or curtsying kindly. MAGA Republicans are not a loyal opposition, but disloyal obstructionists. These are not our friends but sworn foes trying to deny Americans the right to vote, install autocracy, roll back LGBTQ rights and send women back to the kitchen.
They say their goal is to “own the libs”—and we should believe them when they promote the totalitarian Project 2025 and seek full control of society to impose their backward and barbaric values. That’s why it feels so invigorating when Walz looks straight into the camera and tells MAGA busybodies: “Mind your own damn business.”
This election will be won in the trenches and the victor soiled in messy sludge. Some in the old guard will surely warn, “if you roll around with pigs, you end up in the mud.” Fortunately, Walz has experience corralling pigs, from working summers as a kid, on his family’s farm. In a battle for the soul of our nation, I’ll put my money on the pig farmer over the weird, abusive male chauvinist pig.
Walz perfectly balances the ticket, like whipped cream on a sundae. You could easily imagine him in either the Waffle House or the White House. He’s downhome and down to earth, which is the perfect elixir for a party often seen by rural America as elitist.
The VP nominee is a happy warrior who can wield the shiv with a smile. MAGA still has no answer for when Walz trenchantly tagged the movement’s leaders with the “weird” label. It’s so effective because everyone knows it is true. MAGA is a veritable freak show of fascists, slavish apparatchiks, blustering buffoons, soulless opportunists and shameless grifters.
Unlike the uptight Vance, Walz is the kind of guy one would enjoy a beer with at a local Minnesota saloon. Walz has dedicated his life to public service and helping people in his region. Meanwhile, Vance is a self-righteous snob whose claim to fame was writing a vanity memoir, Hillbilly Elegy, that demeaned the people he grew up with, in Kentucky and Ohio, as slovenly losers who are responsible for their own plight.
Walz is not only the every-man—a military vet, successful football coach, gun owning sharp shooter and award-winning high school social studies teacher—he is so genuinely in touch with his masculinity that he proudly served as an advisor for his school’s Gay, Straight Alliance (GSA).
“It really needed to be the football coach, who was the soldier and was straight and was married,” Walz said of his decision to advise the GSA.
By comparison, JD Vance is a lost soul who doesn’t know who he is, appears confused about his sexuality and alters his spongy belief system on a whim to advance his political career. Vance changed his name twice and wrote in Hillbilly Elegy that as a teenager he thought he might be gay.
If childless cat ladies were his ticket to power, Vance would reverse course tomorrow and start handing out free cans of Nine Lives at campaign rallies.
In college at Yale, he developed a close friendship with a student, Sofia Nelson, who later came out transgender. The New York Times reported that Vance, “brought homemade baked goods to his friend after Nelson underwent transition-related surgery.” Vance also attended a Pride parade in San Francisco, while he worked there as a venture capitalist, and wrote to Nelson, “It felt more like a frat party than I expected. But still nice to see a lot of happy people.”
When Vance ascended to the U.S. Senate, he threw his trans friend under the bus and became a staunch anti-LGBTQ lawmaker. Far from showcasing conservative morality, it highlighted his corrosive malleability and protean ideology. If childless cat ladies were his ticket to power, Vance would reverse course tomorrow and start handing out free cans of Nine Lives at campaign rallies.
Another benefit of Walz is that he isn’t afraid to promote what he believes and effectively defends his policies against GOP attacks. This will come in handy with MAGA working overtime to portray him as a left-wing extremist, comparing Walz to a communist Elmer Fudd or socialist version of comedian Don Rickles.
But Walz is adept at countering Republican propaganda, only surpassed, perhaps, in rhetorical efficacy by Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg. During a July 28 interview on CNN, Walz deftly defended his record when it was suggested he might be too liberal:
“What a monster,” he said. “Kids are eating and having full bellies, so they can go learn, and women are making their own health-care decisions.” He added that Minnesota had been ranked as a friendly place for business and that personal incomes, quality of life and educational attainment were all high in his state.
One of the most baffling parts of being a democrat is that the public is solidly center-left and overwhelmingly in favor of our forward-looking public policies. Yet, our skittish leaders often act embarrassed by their positions when attacked by Republicans. Walz is a breath of fresh air because he fearlessly fights for his beliefs and puts the MAGA machine on defense.
A desperate and discombobulated MAGA has resorted to deliberately mispronouncing Kamala’s name as “Kamabla”, in a transparently bigoted attempt to make her sound as African as possible. They are also calling Walz “Tampon Tim” in reference to a bill he signed last year requiring schools to provide free menstrual products in all public school restrooms.
Far from radical, most Americans will see this as a reasonable and responsible action from a leader who cares about women. The MAGA mob is chock-full of dangerous weirdos and Walz has, so far, displayed the moxie to not sugar coat the bitter pill Trump and Vance are peddling. All of Harris’ VP options were solid, but early indications are she scored a winning touchdown by choosing a coach who isn’t afraid to thump Trump.